There is in me such a conflict between the flesh and spirit that I seem to almost to be discouraged but there is also in me an excitement as well as to the path I am about to take. For I am indeed filled with fear at the thought of leaving so many things behind but I am also deeply excited at the wondrous things I shall see, places I shall sense and wisdom I shall gain.
You know just a few days ago I was wanting to sin and give into all that my body demanded in the way of satisfaction. I so desired to fall into a spiritual numbness and let my guide be the pleasures of a fallen flesh. But now there is a difference in me for on this day and this hour I only desire peace and serenity things that seem so foreign to me almost hostile considering my former person. I finally want in my life things of the spirit and of the mind. For this conflict that I speak of starts today and it shall not end until I am dead.
For I hope and beg the Lord that I might grow as a person into what I was meant to be into what I should have been. However, there is a slight disappointment in me that I never got to experience the sin that is so prevalent in the society of today. Especially those sins of the flesh my one curiosity and weakness that cold touch of impurity.
I know that in my time I have long days, months even years ahead of me in this journey of faith. A long time before I can say that I am truly healed.
But of this much I am indeed aware. I could not be in a better place to help myself then where I am right now a place with many gifts for me to call upon and that place is the Catholic faith. I do feel truly blessed to have been born into such a deep and wondrous faith and I feel that it is my calling to live out that faith the best I can.
Now in time everything from this point whether it be in the form of writing, photography or even school shall be for the greater glory of God.
And with that I do hope there is much peace among you my friends
Kevin
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
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