Journey of the Catholic Spirit

In myself there is ignorance

2010-02-15T21:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday evening I came across a young atheist I tried to speak, but nothing came out except incoherent thoughts and then I left wounded and wondered where my knowledge was and this was my answer.

For the past week I had fallen away from prayer and begin to search for peace anywhere that was outside of the church. I became sorrowful and filled with anxiety my prayers were met with a feeling of emptiness and I doubted that I could ever lead a truly holy life in light of all my passions but last night stirred my soul in that I realized the first thing about wisdom is in knowing that you know very little and the second was how can one teach and bring understanding to the faith when there is very little you yourself understand about that faith. How can the blind lead the blind if they themselves stumble and fall? How can I help a soul understand the truth when I myself refuse to understand that very truth?

Each mistake that is made in my life serves to humble me and let me see my own folly my own immaturity what can then be said of my faith except that I trod an easy path and give up whenever hardship befalls.

I know that when you are wrong you must listen very hard to the truth but when you are correct you must listen even harder to understand the very truth you speak. You see there is deep reality and beauty within the spirit that is greatly ignored by many people and one of the first lessons of the spirit is never to argue over matters regarding the spirit for in doing so does one fall into the trap of pride and become focused on the sole purpose of winning the argument as I was last night. Correction is one thing but arguing has no place in matters of the spirit.

I wanted to write about the atheist and his folly but I realized that my first concern must be with myself and my own folly and how I like the atheist have failed to grasp the bigger picture. I am seeing the world in my own narrow viewpoint and likewise I am seeing God and things of the spirit in the same way. How can such a thing be remedied I ask and in the interior of my heart I am given a combination of prayer and listening. For in learning when one wants to speak they should say nothing and keep everything silent within their heart. In such matters I have decided to let the Blessed Mother know of what I would like to say. This is what I should have been doing instead of seeking to argue and place myself on the throne of knowledge.

I must remember in these younger days of mine that the Lord uses even the measliest of instruments. I must too also remember that I have not moved even a centimeter in my journey of faith and that I am bound to have many more moments in which I am shown my own weakness, my own wretchedness.

I can not convince anyone to be Catholic all I can tell you is the reason why I am Catholic

The peace of Christ be with you all my dear friends

Kevin

Faith in the midst of emptiness

2010-02-09T08:40:00.000-08:00

My journey in faith is no doubt going to be a long one though it is one that I must undertake slowly. For in the past few days I have tried to force God's peace into my soul and have failed only to realize that you can not do such things. I must first build a foundation of holy living and that is not going to easy considering my past but with God all things can be attained. Please Pray for me

Kevin

The Journey of faith begins

2010-01-27T12:01:00.000-08:00

There is in me such a conflict between the flesh and spirit that I seem to almost to be discouraged but there is also in me an excitement as well as to the path I am about to take. For I am indeed filled with fear at the thought of leaving so many things behind but I am also deeply excited at the wondrous things I shall see, places I shall sense and wisdom I shall gain.

You know just a few days ago I was wanting to sin and give into all that my body demanded in the way of satisfaction. I so desired to fall into a spiritual numbness and let my guide be the pleasures of a fallen flesh. But now there is a difference in me for on this day and this hour I only desire peace and serenity things that seem so foreign to me almost hostile considering my former person. I finally want in my life things of the spirit and of the mind. For this conflict that I speak of starts today and it shall not end until I am dead.

For I hope and beg the Lord that I might grow as a person into what I was meant to be into what I should have been. However, there is a slight disappointment in me that I never got to experience the sin that is so prevalent in the society of today. Especially those sins of the flesh my one curiosity and weakness that cold touch of impurity.

I know that in my time I have long days, months even years ahead of me in this journey of faith. A long time before I can say that I am truly healed.

But of this much I am indeed aware. I could not be in a better place to help myself then where I am right now a place with many gifts for me to call upon and that place is the Catholic faith. I do feel truly blessed to have been born into such a deep and wondrous faith and I feel that it is my calling to live out that faith the best I can.

Now in time everything from this point whether it be in the form of writing, photography or even school shall be for the greater glory of God.

And with that I do hope there is much peace among you my friends

Kevin